REVIEW: Guni-Guni

Title: Guni-Guni

Director: Tara Illenberger

Producer: Regal Films

Distribution: Regal Films

Date of premiere: August 22, 2012

Guni-Guni is only scary because you'd think it would never end. You should avoid this movie.

Guni-Guni tells the story of several people living in a boarding house. Each has their story. 

Jaime Fabregas is Tatay Nanding, a senile old man who keeps burying raw meat under the plants in front of the house, supposedly as food for his dead loved one. 

Gina Alajar is Mrs. Arevalo, a lonely middle-aged woman who lives alone, and refuses to talk to anyone. She waits for her son to come back for her.

Julia Clarete is Vangie, the yaya of an autistic kid. She pines for Eddie, played by Neil Ryan Sese, who doesn't return her affection.

Empress is Joanna, a medical student who can communicate with paranormal entities. 

But the story is focused on Lovi Poe's Mylene, Joanna's best friend and fellow medical student. She's skeptical on all things supernatural, and has many secrets. But are these secrets tied to what is happening to the house, and all its occupants?

(Another boarder is Benjamin Alves's Paolo, Mylene's boyfriend, who moves in the house near the film's ending.)

[SPOILER TAG: From here on out, I will write about the secrets. Beware of spoilers.]

The main problem with this movie is how Joanna's secrets are rolled out. Her main secret is that she was born with a twin connected to her body. Her mother and the doctors then decided to save only one of the siamese twins, so one of them was killed.

From the onset, the viewers are already given clues to this secret. The movie even starts with Mylene in class listening to a lesson about siamese twins.

If this information was so obvious, why does the movie need to take a long long time before officially revealing it? Telling the secret piece by piece just makes the movie sluggish. 

The same thing happens with the stories of the other characters. An early seance session with Joanna at the lead is ill-timed, as it reveals all the mysteries the plot holds.

The final shock moment is badly established as well. Mylene is shown to take home body parts from the hospital where she interns, keeping all of them in her closet. The film tries to build this up as a shock, but it's all too familiar that it just fizzles. (Still wondering what it is? Try googling the film May. For the lazy: trailer below.)

The storytelling is frustrating as well. After two boarders die violently, why won't the remaining house members move out? If they have sleepless nights due to persistent nightmares, surely they have thought that the house is the problem?

There's also nothing to see in the horror department. The scares are few and far between, and when they come, they are either shoddily executed, or predictable.

You might also be annoyed at the cast's performances. I like Lovi Poe, but I felt like her subdued acting does not work in this movie. Her slow and sexy way of speaking adds to the bored feeling I got from watching this film.

Benjamin Alves is forgettable, and his character only works once he's shirtless. Empress is under-utilized as the chief psychic. 

Once again: avoid this movie at all costs. If you want to see a Filipino movie, be notified that Jose Javier Reyes's Mga Mumunting Lihim is showing alongside Guni-Guni. You might want to take a look at that.

RATING: 1 star out of 5
SUMMARY: Tedious, boring and predictable. It takes ages to reveal the plot twists that are visible from a mile away.