Title: Sisterakas

Director: Wenn Deramas

Producer: Star Cinema and Viva Films

Distribution: Star Cinema and Viva Films

Date of premiere: December 25, 2012

Sisterakas works because its cast commits to its stupidity. This new Wenn Deramas movie recalls the days of stupid comedies, like Austin Powers or Scary Movie, where nothing is serious, not even the plot.

Sisterakas tells the story of two half-siblings named Totoy and Detty, who are into fashion. They are friends in childhood, but a family tiff made the two drift apart. Feeling abandoned, Totoy vows to bring down Detty's family.

Years later, Totoy (Vice Ganda) grows up to be a fashion magnate. The fashionable millionaire, however, still have not forgotten vengeance.

When Detty applies for a job in his company, Totoy is delighted. He makes her undergo several tortuous tasks, but Detty's sunny personality always lets her come out triumphant.

Now that Detty is under his hands, will Totoy continue his revenge plot? Or will family ties win out in the end?

What's delightful about Sisterakas is the countless gags that's on the screen at any given moment. Everything is over-the-top: the clothes and set design are very flamboyant, to the point of being garish.

Aside from the visual feast (or visual vomit), the movie also has a lot of humor, mostly coming from its brilliant cast.

A lot of movies have come from the Wenn Deramas-Vice Ganda team-up, but it is only in Sisterakas when I felt that the comedian was in his element. In his previous movies, his performances felt tied to a script, makinghis comedy suffers.

This time, Vice Ganda has been given free reign to do as he wants. You'd feel it in the way his quips are structured, because they are mostly about the actor or actress he is interacting with.

There's just too many too count, but the one I most remember is the scene where Kris Aquino was asking Daniel Matsunaga to sign a contract, and Vice Ganda quips about Kris's annulment. There's also the part where the two bragged about each other's endorsements.

What's good is that the other members of the cast are able to interact well with Vice Ganda. Kris Aquino, for one, shines here because she's willing to trade barbs with the comedian. She's also willing to make fun of herself, and that's always great to see.

Many funny moments also come from Ai-Ai delas Alas, and even from supporting cast member Joey Paras.

But the cast is the mere element that makes this movie more than tolerable. Like in all Wenn Deramas movies, the script is atrocious, chock-full of plotholes, and full of compromises.

The best symptom of this is how the film felt very engineered to gain an audience. There's the casting of a loveteam in Kathryn Bernardo and Daniel Padilla, and the story of the two felt forced. There's also the casting of a kid in Xyriel Manabat, whose unnecessary to the movie.

All in all, the movie is funny, but only because the cast commits to how stupid it all is.

RATING: 3.5 stars out of 5
SUMMARY: It is funny, but praise the cast for that.

Title: Sosy Problems

Director: Andoy Ranay

Producer: GMA Films

Distribution: GMA Films

Date of premiere: December 25, 2012

Sosy Problems is almost impossible to sit through. It has a horrible story, an unlikable set of characters, and comes off insulting to viewers of all classes.

The intro says this much. Here, a monologue defines the different people in the country's social strata by using narrow and insensitive descriptors: the poor can't buy food, the working class struggles to eat at minimum wage, the middle class can eat three meals but can't buy a snack. Oh, and they all cannot buy cars--the upper middle class can buy cars but only second-hand.

If that monologue is not gratingly insulting, your skin must be too thick. Or you may be too apathetic.

Of course, the people behind Sosy Problems can put up the it-is-only-satire defense as an excuse to all this tripe. But what is it satirizing, exactly? The upper echelons of society, you say, those creatures who do nothing but shop for expensive luxuries and brag about those stuff.

But this movie does nothing of that.

Sosy Problems tells the story of four friends: Lizzie Consunji (Rhian Ramos) is an heir of a hotel franchise, Claudia Ortega (Heart Evangelista) is the daughter of a beauty queen, Margaux Bertrand (Solenn Heussaff) is the daughter of another beauty queen, and Danielle Alvarez (Bianca King), who is the daughter of a politician who has been charged with graft and corruption.

The narrative is all over the place. Lizzie is a disrespectful brat, so her father sends her to the province so she can wise up. Claudia and Margaux are best friends, but they are fighting for the affection of one valet boy. Danielle is aware of her disappearing riches, so she plots to attract a rich boy whom she could marry. 

There's also an overarching plot of the four girls trying to save a polo club from demolition. Of all the narrative threads, this one is the worst.

First off, the four girls initially try to save the polo club because it is the only place where they can hang out exclusively. Second, they show that they don't want the demolition to happen because they despise the new owner, a former yaya or caretaker who married a rich man.

The yaya (brilliantly played by Mylene Dizon) wants to demolish the polo club so she can create a mall for yayas like her, and the elite four is having none of it.

If that doesn't look like blatant classism to you, then you might want to have your heart checked.

The other narrative threads are just as icky, most of all Danielle's. The girl thinks the only way out of her predicament is to marry a rich guy. In the end, she snags one, who pledges to help her corrupt father to get out of jail.

Advocating using riches to get corrupt politicians out of culpability... does this still look like satire to you?

The main problem with this movie, then, is that the characters are just plain unlikable. They do get infused with a worthy cause at the end--that is, to save the polo club for its employees who are losing their jobs--but at that point it already feels artificial.

Watching Sosy Problems makes me remember the infamous line by social party animal Tim Yap, who is also in the movie. In 1997, he gave us this gem: 

"There is this mind-set, which I think is so passe, that says: `The country is in shambles and the country is having a hard time and you are out there partying.' But this generation is guiltless when it comes to that."

This quote best describes Sosy Problems. It encourages an uncaring attitude to the country's ills.

Sosy Problems could have been better if it gave a touch of realism. These are the apathetic sosyal, the people we gossiped about in Chikatime, so where are the juicy scandals and the drug use?

Perhaps GMA Films should have decided to distribute Gino Santos's The Animals instead of producing this crap.

RATING: 0.5 star out of 5
SUMMARY: Unrealistic and awful, insulting, and too apathetic. No wonder it lags at the box office.

Title: D' Kilabots Pogi Brothers... Weh!?

Director: Soxie Topacio

Producer: APT Entertainment and M-ZET TV Production, Inc.

Distribution: Regal Films

Date of premiere: November 28, 2012

This movie tries too hard to be liked. It takes itself very seriously, and it loses its humor as a result.

D' Kilabots Pogi Brothers... Weh!? feels bipolar as a whole. There are two stories in the movie, and each is treated differently.

Bruno (Wally Bayola) and Justine (Jose Manalo) are brothers who don't exactly like each other. The two are business rivals--Bruno sells lugaw (rice porridge), while Justine sells BBQ. 

The rivalry started when Bruno married Kitty (Pokwang), who was Justine's first love. As a result of the heartbreak, Justine grew a weird allergy to women.

When a pretty balikbayan named Lulu (Solenn Heussaff) comes to the brothers' community, Justine is immediately smitten. Fortunately, Lulu also falls for him. Will this cure Justine's allergy?

The story above already sounds complete, and should result in some hilarious sequences. And yet...

This is where the movie falls apart: Lulu's dad Donald (Tirso Cruz III) is trying to settle a large debt with bigshot Mr. Lucio (Michael de Mesa). Desperate, Donald agrees to give Mr. Lucio his property. The problem is that the land has been paid for by its occupants, one of which is Justine's family.

This second plot point is treated too seriously, and it does not fit the movie. In this narrative thread, the comedic tone the movie employs whenever Justine and Bruno are on screen is abandoned. Instead, we get a pseudo tragic treatment, as if we are watching an advocacy film about the injustices faced by informal settlers.

I watched this movie in a half-packed theater, and I only heard a few laughs. The convoluted plot surely helped in watering down the comedy, but it's not the only reason.

This movie was made after Jose Manalo and Wally Bayola hit it big with a sold-out concert. The two are now some of the country's largest comedians, and it is easy to see why when you watch them in Eat Bulaga!

Yet, they never feel as good in D' Kilabots Pogi Brothers... Weh!?. This is because they were not given a lot of legroom to work their magic. In Eat Bulaga!, they are funny because they are spontaneous and command their jokes. Why were they then forced to act around a lousy script?

If the land-grabbing scenario was abandoned, perhaps the two could have much space to inject their kind of humor.

Fortunately, a few bright spots exist to brighten the picture. Paolo Ballesteros is surprisingly marvelous as a gay character named Tweety, and he steals each scene he's in. Solenn Heussaff also has funny moments as well.

Still, these bright spots are not enough to mask how awful D' Kilabots Pogi Brothers... Weh!? really is.

RATING: 1 star out of 5
SUMMARY: A lousy script takes out all the joy from this movie. 

Title: This Guy's In Love With U Mare!

Director: Wenn Deramas

Producer: Star Cinema and Viva Films

Distribution: Star Cinema and Viva Films

Date of premiere: October 10, 2012

Surprisingly, Wenn Deramas's new movie is tolerable. Unlike his previous films--Praybeyt Benjamin and Moron 5 and the Crying Lady--that are annoying and truly awful, This Guy's In Love With You Mare feels okay. Watching this won't make you lose brain cells.

This movie's story is pretty common: Lester (Vice Ganda) gets depressed after Mike (Luis Manzano), his boyfriend of three years, leaves him for Gemma (Toni Gonzaga). In hopes of getting his macho stud back, he pretends to be a guy to court Gemma, so she would break up with Mike.

What makes this movie okay is the abundance of smart jokes. There are many sight gags and hidden jokes in many scenes that are played with no hard effort. This is unlike the delivery of the jokes in Praybeyt and Moron 5, where jokes are stale but they go on and on.

A few of these smart gags are: someone rolling down the stairs behind the main characters in a bar scene, Vice Ganda's photo wall, and Buboy Garrovillo's new hair. I forgot the rest.

What makes this material soar is the presence of Vice Ganda, whose unique delivery of lines can make any dead joke damn hilarious. Still, you'd wish that he learns when he's already over-acting.

Also, Vice's best scenes happen in the first half, when he's on a revenge streak. When he calms down and the movie gets dramatic, the film gets boring.

The other lead characters, on the other hand, deliver shaky performances. Toni Gonzaga portrays her character to be smart, but then she fails to see Lester's true intent. Luis Manzano plays his character dumb at times, and smart at times, it gets confusing what is right. In fairness, this may not be the two actors' fault, but the director's.

Other actors in this movie, meanwhile, are forgettable. Only Tessie Tomas makes a mark, but only because she puts on a rough Visayan accent that's hardly believable. 

All in all, This Guy's In Love With U Mare! is just okay. See it for Vice Ganda, whose the star of this film, after all.

RATING: 2.5 stars out of 5

SUMMARY: Better than the truly awful Praybeyt Benjamin and Moron 5 and the Crying Lady. Is Wenn Deramas getting better? I doubt it, but it's fun to see him try.

Title: Dyagwar: Waley o Havey?

Director: Sid Pascua

Producer: OgieD Productions

Distribution: Viva Films

Date of premiere: October 3, 2012

The best thing about Dyagwar is that it does not get on your nerves. When other comedies try their hardest to get their audiences laughing, this factor should be appreciated.

What's not remarkable, however, is how it seems to not have any ambition. It's mostly just there. It's just like eating the bubbles on top of a fizzy drink--it's fun to eat, but you don't get full.

The story is a bit hundrum: two security guards (played by Eric Fructuoso and a magnetic Boom Labrusca) witness several characters' hijinks while working for an apartment compound.

These events are what you expect when you think about it in three seconds: a kept woman, a philandering husband, a sexy young woman who has an abusive suitor, several loud gay tenants, a prostitute, et cetera et cetera.

The events are also as common as possible: kept woman gets caught having an other man, philandering husband gets caught by his wife, sexy woman gets pushed too hard, gay tenants express and fulfill their desire (at least one did) to get it on with a hot guy, and prostitute gets redemption somewhat.

It was a little disappointing. With this set-up, the producers and directors could have pushed a little harder and got more unique stories. 

But then again, the treatment of the above stories are as straightforward as possible, so they feel familiar, and in turn avoiding going overboard. You've seen it before, so you can relate to it.

The shining moments in the film though came from lead stars Eric Fructuoso and Boom Labrusca. Eric is still formidable looks-wise years after laying low in showbiz, and Boom is an eye-candy. Both know how to act, but sometimes they overact. Not their fault, probably, but the director's.

There's a scene here where one of the security guards gets raped by a gay character. It's rape, and it's admirable how the movie never flinches to make it clear that it is, in fact, an abuse of power and that the guy is a victim. That's a brave thing to do in an industry where most of the players deny that this kind of abusive relationship (gay manager to hunk wards, apparel owner to his male models) exists.

RATING: 3 stars out of 5

SUMMARY: It's a bit funny, and not annoying. It's just the right kind.

Title: The Reunion

Director: Frasco Mortiz

Producer: Star Cinema

Distribution: Star Cinema

Date of premiere: August 15, 2012

Make no mistake: The Reunion is a mess. For a film based on music, this one has no rhythm.

Produced by Star Cinema and directed by newcomer Frasco Mortiz, The Reunion tells the story of four young men who go on a journey to find their high school sweethearts. The desire for closure convinces them to do so, as well as the mindset that their present lives are messy because their former flames broke up with them.

The Reunion serves as a vehicle for ABS-CBN's up-and-coming male stars: Enchong Dee, Xian Lim, and Enrique Gil. They also threw Kean Cipriano into the mix, perhaps so the cast has a legitimate singer. This movie is supposed to be a tribute to Eraserheads, after all.

There's something quite jarring on how Mortiz executed the story. The first half serves a lot of flashbacks, done in a frenetic whatever-works kind of editing. This technique breaks the film overall--whatever rhythm the scenes from the present are trying to form gets discarded every time a flashback unexpectedly comes in.

Besides, whatever kinetic energy the film is going for in the first half is halted by the second half's attempt at drama. Things slow down, and scenes drag on. There are four stories in this movie, and viewers are bound to care only four one or two. The rest seem like fillers.

What stories are the best then? The answer is, any scene with actors who turn in great performances.

It comes as a surprise that the women are better actors here, because it is not even their movie. Most notable are Jessy Mendiola, Cristine Reyes, and Julia Montes.

But the best performance comes from Bangs Garcia. When she was first introduced as a high school girl, she carried a naivete never-before-seen from her. I had to rub my eyes to clear my head, since I couldn't believe it was Bangs that I was seeing. She should star in more movies.

The acting of the women made the film tolerable to me. 

RATING: 3 stars out of 5
SUMMARY: Watch this for the excellent performances from the female cast.

Title: Kimmy Dora and the Temple of Kiyeme

Director: Joyce Bernal

Producer: Spring Films and Star Cinema

Distribution: Star Cinema

Date of premiere: June 13, 2012

The mistake I had while viewing this movie was expecting that it will be better than the original. This expectation colored my judgment, and doomed what could have been a very positive review.

Here's the thing: the first Kimmy Dora is still the better movie.

That Kimmy Dora worked because it was original, fresh, and surprising. With Kimmy Dora 2, you know what to expect somehow, so when these expectations are met, you're left looking for something more.

Kimmy Dora 2 also infused horror elements into the narrative. It is about a ghost that haunts the twins Kimmy and Dora, a ghost who goes on to steal the souls of the men in their lives. Little do they know that this ghost was the vengeful spirit of a Korean woman who was their father's long-lost sweetheart.

The horror elements were very well-made, and can stand against the best scenes in local horror movies. The problem is that these scenes do not seem to mix nicely with the comedy. 

Despite this, Kimmy Dora 2 is still a good enough movie that warrants going theater-watching. And it cannot be Kimmy Dora without memorable scenes, right? Listed below are my top 10. (Skip them if you don't wish to read spoilers.)

SPOILER ALERT, AGAIN. IN BIG RED LETTERS THIS TIME.

TOP 10 SCENES IN KIMMY DORA 2

10. The nicely-shot scenes of Korea are worth a second viewing.

9. Dora panics and asks their maid to drive a car for her. The maid does drives reeeeeeeeally slowly.

8. Dora drowns in the pool, and her boyfriend saves her.

7. Kimmy attacks her boyfriend with kisses.

6. Dora asks the stewardess what types of bread they have on the airplane. The stewardess plays along.

5. The exorcism headed by a midget used words from a dialect (was that Bisaya?), making it even more funnier. 

4. The blooper reel in the credits had some of the funniest moments.

3. An angry Kimmy pushes her secretary out of a moving car. The following day, the secretary is in the office, sitting on a wheelchair.

2. In a flashback, Kiray Celis plays a very desirable cheerleader, who attracts Ryan Bang (who was playing Kimmy and Dora's father).

1. Kimmy enters the venue of an event for her company, and finds that her dress matches the decor. She goes ballistic.

RATING: 3.5 stars out of 5
SUMMARY: This movie is a competent horror-comedy, but it pales in comparison to the first Kimmy Dora.

Title: Boy Pick-Up: The Movie

Director: Dominic Zapata

Producer: Regal Films and GMA Films

Distribution: Regal Films and GMA Films

Date of premiere: June 6, 2012

I saw this movie on Thursday night, and it is only this Saturday morning when I can write this review. I left the theater so dumb-founded that I cannot form a coherent sentence.

First off, I think this movie has no redeeming factor whatsoever. The jokes are tasteless and unfunny. The cameos are a tad too much and annoying (Bong Revilla? Boy Abunda? Really?). The plot is too stupid, it's hard to watch.

The only times when you can laugh while watching this movie is to laugh at how stupid it is, and how much you wasted your time and money.

• At one point, a character gets abducted and killed, and we're supposed to laugh because he's dead? How tasteless can this joke be?
• Solenn Heussaff's role made her look stupid. I wish she chooses better roles next time. I don't see her putting this in her resume.
• Ogie and Solenn were on a date when Tim Yap appears under the table. What is he doing there, his head too close to Solenn's bosom?
• Why are we supposed to like Boy Pick-up's character when he's not even a tad likable? 
• Boy Pick-Up must be living in Andrew E.'s world, where men like him get exceptionally pretty women go crazy in their presence.
• Betong Sumaya is as annoying as ever. Why are they giving him breaks?
• The movie tried to infuse social commentary by showing scenes and scenes of poverty, but all these are not tackled deeply. I don't know why they even bothered.
• It's too predictable. Halfway to the movie my brother, who was with me, predicted that Dennis Trillo's characters gets to lose all his evil once Sarah Lahbati's makes up with him.
• It's overlong and went on and on and on. 

So what I'm saying is, watch this movie. Really, seriously. Yeah dude no lie.

RATING: 1 stars out of 5
SUMMARY: Worst movie I've seen this year so far.

(A more coherent review will be seen at PEP.ph)

Title: Every Breath You Take

Director: Mae Czarina Cruz

Producer: Star Cinema

Distribution: Star Cinema

Date of premiere: May 16, 2012

Every Breath You Take works mostly due to the infectious enthusiasm of its cast. The movie's story may be paper-thin, but the talent of its cast more than makes up for it.

Every Breath You Take is directed by Mae Czarina Cruz and produced by Star Cinema. It tells the story of Majoy (Angelica Panganiban), a young woman who is looking for a man that fate has given her. She needs to look for the guy quickly too, as her doctor had diagnosed that her ovaries are drying up, and if she wants to have a child, she needs to marry soon.

After a date that does not go well, Majoy meets Leo (Piolo Pascual), a hotshot sales executive in the real estate business. Majoy then realizes that Leo is the guy she is destined for, as all the signs she needs to see begin showing up.

What Majoy does not know is that Leo is not ready for a serious relationship. Can she do what it takes to convince Leo that they are perfect for each other?

At the heart of Every Breath You Take is a new pairing: Kapamilya stars Angelica Panganiban and Piolo Pascual. The talents of these two actors have already been proven, and these appear in this movie.

Angelica gives her performance an energy that's contagious, lending the movie's humorous moments the weight it needs to be extra funny. Piolo, meanwhile, is quite the charmer. He exists in the film as an impossibly gorgeous man whose charm breaks whatever inhibitions Angelica's character has. Piolo carries this nicely.

The supporting cast are also exceptional. Ryan Bang is Angelica's rejected suitor, and he's naturally funny. Wendy Valdez plays Piolo's delusional pseudo-girlfriend, and she gets the beats of her character correctly, too.

Also remarkable are the performances of Frenchie Dy, Janus del Prado, Regine Angeles, Ryan Eigenmann, and Ketchup Eusebio. On the other hand, the acting of Joross Gamboa, Smokey Manaloto, and Carlos Agassi seem over-the-top, that it's hardly believable at times.

The enthusiasm of this large cast of characters is what makes this movie a worthy watch, because it keeps you watching, even though the story becomes boring in the film's second half. There is no real conflict to the story, hence the boredom. Plus, there are several inconsistencies: for instance, if the gang of three want Leo to marry their sister, why are they trying to kill him in the film's second half?

Patient viewers, however, will be rewarded with an ending that looks unique and a first of its kind in its genre. Without giving away anything, this ending is a confrontation that looks as fun as that four-way confrontation seen in last year's stellar Hollywood romantic comedy Crazy Stupid Love.

Every Breath You Take is a film that should be seen for the cast members who make it humorous and a worthy watch. 

RATING: 2.5 stars out of 5
SUMMARY: It had promise, but fell short.

(This review was first printed at PEP.ph)